Scribbles
by Cereal-Killa
Summary: "Did I just write that? Got to start writing in pencil! Crap! I don't like him! Don't like him!" Courtney's Diary from TDI, 'Playa De Losers' included. Thanks everyone for 100 reviews! -Duncan/Courtney-
1. 1 to 10

_In The Beginning _

Dear Journal,

I have been waiting for this day forever. The day I go to Total Drama Island.

It's supposed to be a game show, where we stay at a 5 star hotel, and participate and challenges and such. What's really cool is that you get the chance to win 100,000 dollars if you win. I have no idea how the system works, but I bet I'll win!

My brother thinks it's time for me to meet somebody. And by somebody he means a guy. I thought about it, and considering all the other boys who have cheated on me, well, I say no.

Yeah, take advantage of the preppy girl.

I've been trying to focus during this whole flight, but staring out the window of the plane made me lose myself in thought at my brother's words. Do I need a guy? Do I want one?

No. I, Courtney, didn't need a guy. I could stick up for myself.

Pushing all of those thoughts away for now, I'm determined to win this. I will. Because then this will prove that I can succeed in life. That I will.

What a great time this will be! I'm going to win it, and no one or any guy is going to get in my way!

* * *

_Not So Great Reality Show_

Dear Journal,

I got where I wanted. I'm finally here.

But this, I wasn't planning on this.

It's not a five star hotel. It's a rundown camp. It's gross.

The host seems rude, and appears to love our pain.

Some of the people here, they are nastier than the island itself. I feel bad for judging people, but gosh!

And this one guy? What's his name? Duncan. In a word: delinquent. He's got a Mohawk, and it's green. I don't really adore that color, for reason unmentionable. And Mohawks are immature!

And the piercings? GAG! Okay, who actually does that to their face?

The only sensible person I've yet to meet is Bridgette. She seems nice, uncoordinated, but nice. And, unlike other blondes, not dumb.

They put us on teams. I'm the Killer Bass. The other team with the incredibly large guy is called the Screaming Gophers.

Duncan isn't all that bad though. He told me that the food is inedible, and said he had a few candy bars in him bag that we could eat later. I found it nice.

Well, really even though it's not the best, I have the chance to win 100,000 dollars.

Yeah, worth it. Literally.

They are going to tell us about the next challenge after lunch. I wonder…

* * *

_A Mountain to 'Dive' For_

Dear Journal,

All they told us is to get in our bathing suits, and meet them at the bottom of the mountain. I'm kind of wondering what's going on here...

And that guy, Duncan? He says that he can't wait to see me in a bikini! Sicko!

But, I had to thank him for the heads-up on the food. He gave me some snacks when we got back to the cabin.

They were really good!

But still, he's a delinquent sick teen.

So I got to change. I wish I had brought a one piece now.

* * *

_First To Say Goodbye?_

Dear Journal,

Worst. Decision. Ever.

I should have never come here. And if I did come here, I shouldn't have come so weak.

We apparently had to dive off a 100 foot cliff into shark infested water.

But I couldn't do it. I'm so ashamed.

And then, pushing the hot tub, I got stung by a bug, and my eye looks like hell. We made a cruddy, cruddy, hot tub, and now I have a huge chance of going home!

We are all going to discuss it at dinner. I just hope I don't get voted off in the first challenge!

* * *

_No Doubt About It_

Dear Journal,

I'm going home. No doubt about it.

And I owe it all to that Duncan kid!

I had to ask who we were going to vote off.

He said that it was either me or DJ, considering neither of us jumped. And, being a sarcastic, he said that if we ever had to move a truck, he's going with DJ.

Now I'm screwed.

But at least Ezekiel helped. He made sexist comments, so now my getting voted off chance isn't that huge.

I thought this would be a journal about my time at total drama island, but now it's going to be a journal about my time in depression of being humiliated on television.

* * *

_I Never Lose_

Dear Journal,

That Ezekiel kid got voted off, and not me!

But I wonder why...

Duncan seems to want rid of me. But I won't let him do that. I will be fighting more than hard now. He can expect it.

And Bridgette thinks he liked me. Well, here's what I have to say to that: If he liked me, why did he want me gone?

I don't care. I'm not here to argue or have fun. I'm here to win. And I will, because I, Courtney, don't lose.

I never do.

* * *

_Chillin' Between A Challenge_

Dear Journal,

We apparently have a few days between challenges to hang out and chill between challenges. I'm good with that.

Bridgette and I are going to the beach right now.

I think I'll bring this journal with me... ok, I will, good.

* * *

_Gotta Stop Writing in Pen_

Dear Journal,

I'm at the beach.

Bridgette is surfing, but I'm just sitting in the sand, tanning. That guy, Geoff, seems to like Bridgette. He came over here a little while ago, and went in the water with Bridgette. She seems to like him back, which is good.

I don't know why, but all last night... I was thinking of Duncan in his trunks. Gross, yet... satisfying.

Did I just write that? Got to start writing in pencil! Crap! I don't like him! Don't like him!

* * *

_Don't Do Nicknames _

Dear Journal,

I hate him.

He should have just left us alone.

I remember it so clearly now-

I remember yelling his name when he kicked me in the water and pulling on his Mohawk. He must have found that funny, me trying to harm him bodily.

And then he went and took my journal. This journal. And if I hadn't kicked him in the shin, he would have read everything... even that crap I wrote in pen!

I told Bridgette I had to go, I can't stand him any longer. And of course, he follows me back. Calling me this ridiculous nick-name. 'Princess!'

I don't do nick-names.

And right now he's coming in here, complaining about me slamming the door in his face. I guess I ought to argue right?

Yeah, let's argue. It's fun to win anyways- and we all know who is winning this battle.

Be right back.

* * *

_At Least Be Honest_

Dear Journal,

That ended badly, as most of our conversations seem to end.

I had told him to leave me alone. I said that I didn't hang out with people who tried to vote me off.

And then he denies it! What an ogre! I mean it's one thing to vote me out,  
but then to lie about it? That's wrong.

When I told him he was a liar, he said he was going to prove it to me. I don't understand why he can't just leave it alone. I mean, if he wanted me out, he wanted me out. And it's like he wants to hang out with me or something. Why doesn't he just quit? I know he just likes to tease me and make me mad. So please, I mean just let it go, I don't like him, he doesn't like me. Fair and square. Perfectly even.

But then some nagging part of me hopes he won't let go. I seem to kind of enjoy his pestering, sarcastic side. Although I can't understand that part of me, it's there.

* * *

a/n: Finally decided to slim chapters down by fitting them all together. 10 journal entries per chapter! :)


	2. 11 to 20

_Awkward Moments_

Dear Journal,

So, this morning.

I walked with that guy, DJ. He's really sweet. We we're walking into the washroom, when DJ saw a butterfly and ran and screamed. It was all very awkward.

And then he was there, yet again. Duncan was going to jump in the shower, as was I. He then asked me if I wanted to take a shower with him. I smacked him, but that stupid smirk was still on his face.

So when I was done with my shower, as if on que he was too. But I got really weird when I saw him.

His hair, usually spiked with gel, was soft and split. His chest, usually covered with a skull shirt overtop it, was soaked in water, letting the outlines of his abs be seen clearer. And he was only wearing a **towel. **And then, my perverted side, (a side I didn't even know existed) wished there was no towel. I almost puked after I got back to reality, but couldn't stop looking at him.

Of course he was looking at me too. I was only wearing a towel, and his blue eyes had been on... places of my body the whole time.

Then the most embarrassing thing happened! We bumped into each other, and we were like, holding each other.

I remember his hands were on my waist, with mine flat against his chest. I saw him blush, but I was more worried about the chagrin rushing to my cheeks.

Now, I haven't really been able to talk to him. Its weird is all.

And really awkward.

* * *

_Would You Rather?_

Dear Journal,

Since we have a challenge tomorrow, me, Bridgette, and that girl Gwen from the other team played truth or dare. I love a good game of that.

So, most of the game were full of stupid dares, nobody ever selecting truth.

Then Bridgette said we had to play, 'Would you rather?' She said truth or dare was just becoming a bunch of dumb dares, which it was.

So, I asked first. I asked Gwen if she would rather have a head twice the normal size or half the normal size. She said half. I had to agree.

Then Gwen asked Bridgette if she would rather kiss Geoff or DJ. She said Geoff. AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Then I got scared. They were talking about coupling how, and I knew who they would pick for me.

Bridgette asked me if I would rather see Duncan with his shirt off or kiss him, French style. I really felt uncomfortable saying the shirt off thing, even though we all know I really do love that. So, I had to go with the French kiss. Bridgette and Gwen giggled so loud it shook the cabin. That's when I lost my temper and said I was going to bed.

They said I was a party pooper for doing so, but I didn't care! No way was I having Duncan over hear them!

* * *

_Wake Up Call_

Dear Journal,

Okay, Chris just sounded off the call for us to wake up, but it's only 7! I'm going to get dressed to see what's up.

* * *

_The Two Fake Challenges_

Dear Journal,

So once we got there, Chris tells us we have to run 22 km around the camp. evs lost her temper- I really do wonder what the hell her problem is- and while Duncan and Geoff were restraining her, I had to tell her to control her temper. I don't understand her problem. Neither does anybody else on our team.

Even though I'm competitive, I walked. I just made sure that there were about 8 people behind me, so I didn't have a chance of getting voted off.

When I finally got there, most of the team was there too. Harold though, took his sweet time, and I was so mad when he was the last person to come in.

But then Chris told us that wasn't the challenge. He then lifted a curtain, which I could have sworn wasn't there a second ago, and revealed a delicious buffet of food.

I didn't understand how you could win, and I didn't understand how you could lose. All I knew was that there was a ton of food in front of me, and I hadn't had anything but garbage in 4 days.

Everybody dove right in, and although that looked as if enough food to feed us all for a week, it was gone in 30 minutes. I stood by Bridgette, both of us holding our stomachs.

Duncan groaned loudly and rested his hand on my shoulder for balance. I felt so sick then. I wasn't sure I the strength for protest. And I kinda liked it...

Soon Chris says we are having an awake-a-thon, and that really threw me off. He had done all that just to make it harder for us to stay awake.

At least I only walked.

* * *

_Gotta Win, Can't Bear To Lose_

Dear Journal,

Awe, that was so bad.

I screwed up. I thought moving would keep me awake. I just used up my energy really.

Now there are only 5 left: Duncan, Eva, Gwen, Trent and Heather.

Duncan and Eva have to win this. We can't lose again.

They just have to.

And Owens missing. Where did he go?

* * *

_Tired On The Toilet_

Dear Journal,

Well, it's over.

We lost.

And even though I should be mad, I'm truly grateful top the one who held out the longest on our team: Duncan.

It was just him and Gwen, until he fell asleep- on the toilet.

I've been helping him out. He seemed a little too tired to tease me for getting him some extra pillows though. That's good.

At least I know I won't get kicked off. I made it more than half-way through the challenge.

* * *

_Anger Issues_

Dear Journal,

I hate her!

That Eva chick- she was throwing all the girls cabin things, including mine, out the window. Because she said we stole her MP3 player. ANGER ISSUES?

And then Heather says she found it when she dropped it on the ground, so Eva was throwing a fit for no reason.

All I can say is that I know who I'm voting off tonight.

* * *

_Never Ever_

Dear Journal,

Yay!

Eva got voted off!

She still has anger issues though. I would know- she threw an arrow at my head when I said good bye. Good thing I ducked!

I was so smug at the moment though. Duncan looked all worried and asked if I was hurt. He looked really mad at Eva too.

I told you! He likes me!

But I don't like him back- no way!

Never.

Not happening.

When pigs fly.

Negatorie.

Not.

Never.

Ever.

Ever.

And Ever, ever, ever.

Never.

* * *

_Noises _

Dear Journal,

Well, Crap.

Chris says that since the awake-a-thon took 3 days, we have to do the next challenge tomorrow.

And I can't get any sleep.

Harold is snoring so loud, the girl side of the cabin can hear it.

And then I heard another noise.

A very mad noise.

"Stop snoring you asshole!"

Poor Duncan.

* * *

_Out Of It_

Dear Journal,

No one got any sleep.

One in particular didn't get any for... 4 days straight?

I can only hope- praying to god here!- we don't have a challenge that involves physical strength, because I'm all out of that.


	3. 21 to 30

_God Can't Spare Me_

Dear Journal,

And of course, god is not allowed to spare me.

Our challenge? Dodge ball.

Not good.

Eva, our strongest player- gone.

Duncan, our second strongest player- has the life sucked out of him.

DJ, well, he's just a weenie!

So what are we supposed to do?

I can answer that for you: lose. Yet again. I hate this team.

* * *

_Domination on Dodge ball _

Dear Journal,

Woo-hoo!

This is my day!

We won the challenge!

Well, it all started out with us losing 2 games out of five at first, and if we lost one more, someone was going home.

But, to protect us from another loss, we knew who we needed- and that was Duncan.

So, we all stuck a stick up his nose (well, how else would we wake up a sleeping psycho?) and when we did, well, he got mad.

When he tried to get on Harold, I wasn't having it. We were all tired. And he wasn't helping any by sleeping on the bench. I told him that he needed to help us. When he asked why he should, I told him straight forward.

"You should, because if you don't, I can personally guarantee you'll be the one going home, _darling_."

I watched in happiness as the look of anger on his face went from madness, to wonder, and then to defeat. He agreed, but on one condition: we did what he said. I was so happy that I just nodded my head. I had clowned little mister delinquent, the guy who seemed like he was out to get me.

So he told us this tactic: crush the new guy. You throw all the balls at one player at a time.

That was a really useful tactic, and we won 2 games.

Now on the last game, I guess the gophers recognized our tactic, so we stopped using it. And then, we were all playing, when Duncan gets hit. Then again. And again, And- ouch- again.

I thought that was sort of harsh. I mean, he's kind of tired- why be so rude and hit him multiple times? Not that I feel like all bad that they did that...

And then Harold's the only one left. With Owen opposing.

But somehow, someway, he caught the ball.

And we won.

For the first time! I can only hope that this will stay the same!

* * *

_No Lie!_

Dear Journal,

So the pig wasn't lying.

I mean before, when he told me that he hadn't voted to get me out in the first episode.

Don't think I'm just feeling generous- I wanted proof. And well, that's exactly what I got.

Duncan- well, he's a freaking pain in the ass.

But, he made me say it- he's not a liar. (At least for now.)

His proof was this- The vote in his hand writing. Apparently, he paid Chris to see the votes that were cast on the first challenge.

Well, after digging through some trash, Duncan finally found it. His vote, written in his own chicken scratch-

Ezekiel

So it must be true... Duncan didn't lie.

I hate it when he's right.

* * *

_One Thing In Common_

Dear Journal,

That guy- Harold? Yeah, he's pissing me off.

He's friggin annoying! I hate the way he's always breathing over peoples shoulders- particularly mine.

Well, there's one thing me and Duncan seem to both agree on.

Harold is a freak.

* * *

_That's Bull_

Dear Journal,

I don't understand why Duncan has to tease me so much.

It's been a very quiet time since he stayed up for the awake-a-thon. I guess he's not tired anymore.

That's bullshit. I don't like to cuss, but that's what it is. I was enjoying the shutting of his mouth for a little while.

Just hope he can keep it closed for tomorrow too.

* * *

_Weird Sayings_

Dear Journal,

I've made it this far in the competition, which is pretty great. Especially considering I had a huge chance of getting voted off the first challenge.

People sorta like me. That's a good thing.

But I have to impress them, since its challenge day. I have to give them a reason to keep me here, but not make them think I will beat them all and get them voted off.

I thought this would be easy, but of course, I'm wrong. Never judge a reality show by the cover, because the cover might say it's a five star hotel and it really is a stupid summer camp that is really, really crappy.

That's a weird saying, but the bad thing is it's true.

* * *

_Blow Them Away With The String And Bow_

Dear Journal,

Finally, a challenge I can literally excel in!

Chris woke us up not as early as usual, but still early. I saw that guy Trent save Gwen a seat, which I thought was really sweet. I think she likes him too, considering that she is following along.

So then, Chris announces that our next challenge will be a talent contest!

I brought my violin, which I have been playing for almost twelve years now. This is my chance to show the team that they need me, and to keep from being voted off. Now all I have to do is blow them away with my music, and then we will be ready.

Right now we have to go and pick our three people to be in the talents show, and I already know I'm one of them. This is going to be great!

* * *

_Talent Show or Talentless?_

Dear Journal,

Wow.

I think I just saw some of the worst performances ever.

First Sadie and Katie were dancing... at least I think it was a dance. It look more like they were breaking a few bones or something.

Tyler did some yo-yo tricks, which were kinda cool at first. It stopped being cool though when he got caught up in his own yo-yo. Then he disappeared for awhile. I'm pretty sure he was with that gopher girl again, but I didn't care anymore. I want for people to like me, not to despise me.

DJ did some... ribbon twirling, which everyone clapped at, but didn't seem so impressive to me. My violin beat it by a mile. But since everyone liked it so much, I let him be in.

I don't really think standing on your hands for twenty minutes is much of a talent, so Bridgette wasn't in.

Harold then came on stage, took a deep breath, and I just called him out right there. I mean really, what the heck was he going to do?

Geoff did some cool skateboarding tricks though, so he was definitely one of the contestants.

When I asked Duncan what his was, he said he could carve a skull into a tree.

...

I kinda just walked away after that.

When we announced that Geoff, DJ and I would be the ones on stage, Geoff talked about how he was going to be on TV. I've got to wonder if he actually has a brain or not, because I see no proof of one being there.

So now we just practice. I've got to go get my violin quick and tune it. This is going to go so well, as long as everything goes as planned.

But then again, does anything ever happen that way?

* * *

_Frustrated, Aggravated and… Perturbed! _

Dear Journal,

I'm so mad. Frustrated, angry, aggravated, and… perturbed! But overall, I'm upset. Upset that I'm on the verge of tears.

Everything was going so well! I was practicing my violin, and everyone seemed at ease. But then Bridgette started doing her handstand thing, which I didn't pay much attention to. And then the next thing I knew, I was blacking out. It was so creepy; I don't even remember the pain.

When I woke up, I was in an open tent, like a nurse's office or something. My head was pounding really hard, and then I jumped when I turned to see Duncan sleeping in a chair beside the little conveyer.

Finally Chef Hatchet- in a nurse's uniform (gag) - came to explain to me what had happen. I asked why Duncan was there.

I have to admit, it was really sweet of him to carry me down there and stay by my side the whole time. At least I know he has some good in him.

That doesn't mean I like him. No, I am just thankful for that little offer of kindness. Yeah, Thankful. That sounds about right.

The bad news- I can't play my violin now. Because it's broke. My violin, which I've had for so long, that cost me so much money, broken, beyond repair. I really should be mad at Bridgette, but I can't find the nerve to do so. Bridgette's just too nice. Damn her.

I'm still upset though. Upset that I'm hurt, my violin is broken, and that there's no way were going to win this challenge.

I was right before. Nothing ever goes as planned.

* * *

_Losing And Ballet Sucks_

Dear Journal,

The challenge is about to start. I'm really scared right now…

Also, I saw the Screaming Gophers practicing. They have Trent playing guitar, which he's absolutely great at, which is totally awful for us. Justin is… being incredibly HOT, which is sure to score them major points. And then Heather… I don't really know about her. She doing ballet, I think.

I don't like ballet. My mom made me take it for a year, and I hated it. The teacher had this big freaking mole!...

Okay, forget I said that. Anyway, there's no way were winning. Just no way. Technically, it's already over. They already won, and we already lost.

I hate losing. God, do I hate losing!

And ballet!


	4. 31 to 40

_Our Second Win_

Dear Journal,

You won't believe it, because I still can't! We won! We actually won the challenge! For the second time in a row!

Yep, that's right. It didn't seem that way at first though.

Geoff wrecked his skateboard, ripping it in half. I don't understand why bad luck just seems to strike this team. We couldn't use him anymore, so we decided we would improvise with Bridgette.

First, Justin went on with his hotness, starting the gophers out with a bunch of points. Crap!

Then DJ came out for our team, where he did his little twirl thing. Too bad it ended in disaster, with DJ getting caught it his little ribbons. We only got about 2 points for that.

Trent then sang a song, which he dedicated to someone special here at camp… *cough* GWEN! Too bad that scored the other team a lot of points too. It was looking really bad for us by this point, but it just had to get worse.

So Bridgette, who was eating chips earlier, goes out on stage, and then burps very loudly while standing on her hands. Next… she threw up. I mean blowing chunks everywhere. I couldn't look anymore. She then threw up on Owen, who was almost 20 feet away from the stage! Next Sadie and Katie, also far off from the stage. Next, Katie threw up on Sadie. Then Bridgette threw up on Lashawna, who looked devastated. I would have been that way too.

Then, she slipped in her own barf, and landed in Tyler's arms. Then Lindsay said something about 'Go puke on your own boyfriend' or something. I knew her and Tyler had a thing!

We then had to take a short break, in Chris's words, "To hose the joint down." We only got almost no points for Bridgette's little 'act.'

Heather then came on stage, talking about how she originally was going to do ballet, but then found something better. She then took out a diary, which belonged to Gwen. The look on Gwen's face was enough to make me want to rip Heather at the seams. But I didn't, because my head really hurt right then, thanks to the big bruise.

So then the question was who to let on. Sadie and Katie were covered in puke, Tyler's yo-yo tricks sucked, and all Duncan could do was carve his own skull into a tree!... (That still sounds freaky.)

The only one left was Harold. I pushed him out there, telling him to just go for it. I mean what did have to lose? The challenge was already won by the other team.

Harold took a deep breath, and then… he started beat-boxing. Really well! It was so cool. And when it was over, even the other team clapped! Bridgette and I ran out and hugged Harold, telling him how awesome he was. I almost fell on the floor laughing when I saw Duncan eye Harold jealously.

We got full points thanks to Harold! He's helped us through these last two challenges, so I'm in his debt for now. That doesn't mean we're friends though. No, I hate Harold. But right now, I love him!

So we won, which means we didn't lose! Thank you!

* * *

_Nightmares or Something_

Dear Journal,

It's like, 11:30 right now, and I just heard a scream. Bridgette says it was Heather running out of her cabin at full speed.

I guess she's just having nightmares or something.

Well, I better go to sleep. Even though tomorrow's not a challenge day, Courtney Meek's is always fully rested and always gets her 8 hours.

* * *

_My Great Escape_

Dear Journal,

So, yeah, my heads feeling a little bit better, but there is still a big bump. I finally took the bandages off and saw the bruise. I was… ewe.

Ouch is another word for it.

But anyway, Bridgette's been apologizing like crazy. I can't get her off my back. Right now she's taking a shower, so I'm taking this moment as my time to escape.

I'll probably go to the woods or something. I don't know, walk around or something. I'm just bored, especially since my iPod is charging right now. Guess I'll have to escape in boredom.

* * *

_The Damn Peace_

Dear Journal,

Well- that was quite a walk.

I was walking through the woods, and then I felt like something was following me. I have a natural sense of that, since I'm a CIT, you know.

So I keep on walking, and then, someone jumps out and yells 'boo' at me. Of course, even with boo being a dead giveaway it was a prank, I had to yelp just out of surprise. Not because I was scared. I don't get scared.

I remember, I yelled at him so loud and hard my throat still hurts. Duncan just seemed to find it funny, and told me that I had been scared. How does he know what emotion I was feeling? Oh, that's right, he doesn't!

I can't stand him! He's so vile, so rude! Why jump out at someone while they're on a short leisurely walk? Why disturb the damn peace?

* * *

_You Know What I Mean?_

Dear Journal,

So, tomorrow is challenge day.

I can just feel that something is going to go wrong. Well, in every challenge something goes wrong, but I have a guess that our winning streak is about over. I feel bad for saying it, because I shouldn't doubt our team like that, but I mean all good things come to an end, right?

I'm still trying to plant it in my mind that Duncan's talent is carving his skull. I mean what? I just don't get it. Everybody has a talent, a better talent than that. Even someone like him. When I say like him, I just mean a delinquent pig. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Also, I'm wondering about how some people on our team have even helped in the challenges. You know, I can't keep getting mad at Harold. He just won two challenges for us. So I've noticed: what have Katie and Sadie, those twin girls, done for us? So far, nothing. I mean, Katie was a little good at dodge ball, but then again, wasn't everybody good at it (excluding Tyler)?

So, I guess if I'm going to vote someone out next, it'll be them.

I hate planning for our loss, but I'm just a planning type of person. This CIT knows when she's going well, and knows when it's not going be all that great. Nature sense, remember?

* * *

_Sanity or CIT? Either one is good for me_

Dear Journal,

So, challenge day today.

Chris said that today's challenge would test our outdoor survival skills. I was a little bit curious at this, because there had to be some sort of twist. He then said that some of us may not come back alive, which caused me to gasp. My lawyer would have to have a word with this man. Then he told us he was joking. Idiot.

So then he said we had to spend one night in the woods, and find our stuff in there. Sounds easy.

While he was throwing our maps to us though, I had my hands wide open, and Duncan just decided to catch it anyway. I then snatched it back from him, so I didn't hear what Chris said next.

That girl Izzy was talking about some sort of bear who had some blood and guts around its mouth, but that it was really just spaghetti noodles, and that they thought it was eating the neighbor's cat. Yup, she's crazy.

So, I'm bringing this diary along… but I'm going to put it somewhere where no one can find it. Not a soul.

Something tells me I was right last night. Some little voice in the back of my head confirms that we are, in fact, going to lose this challenge. I'm not so sure if it's my CIT skills anymore, or if losing my sanity. Either one, I's still a feeling.

* * *

_The Worst Has Yet To Come_

Dear Journal,

When we finally made it to where the supplies were, I decided to get rid of my bad attitude. I should believe in our team, I mean, we had won the last two challenges, what's in our way of this one? Of course, my thoughts didn't stay that way, because things changed after a bit.

Oh yeah. You won't believe what I heard Geoff tell Bridgette. "Wow, you pitch a tent like a guy!" Yeah, poor Geoff and his terrible pick-up lines.

While I was setting up the tent, Duncan decided to have some fun, or in other words annoy me. He asked me what was for dinner, using a sexist term by saying woman, and that he was starving. He had better be glad I just decided to give a retort instead a punch in the jaw.

Then DJ came with a little animal, a bunny of some sort. Duncan wanted to eat it, which I was kind of thinking of doing too. But DJ said it was his pet. Um, I saw that thing cough. It looks diseases ridden. But I let it go. I couldn't help but complain that all we would be eating was some berries for dinner.

Duncan then brought to our attention that Sadie and Katie were gone. I would have gone looking for the two, but then again, I didn't really care if they got back or not. What? They're annoying.

So right now, things are falling apart. What's just great is that the bad feeling is back, and it's telling me that the worst has yet to come. Something tells me that Sadie and Katie being lost will be a part of it.

* * *

_The Hook Man Story_

Dear Journal,

God, I hate him! He's so immature! Him and his stupid story…

I'm talking about Duncan and his stupid Mohawk.

As if Bridgette wasn't already scared enough, Duncan wanted to tell this scary story to all of us. He said it was pretty hard core, so he probably shouldn't tell it to us. I wasn't going to take that! With the woman comment before, I wasn't looking as strong as I had hoped. So I, ever the competitor, had to tell Duncan that we weren't scared.

It was this story about this… hook-man! And he was getting these kids, one by one. It was really terrible with the full moon out and everything and I have to admit, I was getting scared. Duncan's eyes kept shifting to me though, as to see if I was scared yet. I tried to compose myself, but by the way he kept smirking at me I guess I didn't do a very good job.

Then he said, that hanging from the door handle, was this bloody hook or something. He said that they said that the killer was still alive, wandering these woods, and that he could be just about anywhere. Even right here! He pulled out that hook and I couldn't help but scream. Damn it, how could I scream! I'm not supposed to scream. I mean what happened to being strong and not frightened?

He laughed this really ugly laugh, and then I couldn't help but get mad. I mean he scared us all to death! It wasn't funny, he didn't deserve to laugh! And then he said he wished it was on camera, which of course it was. Then I truly took in that someone out there, maybe my future competitor for office, saw me scream. They could use that in a commercial to bring me down! I could just imagine to headlines. "Courtney hides in fright at the thought of being your leader. Is this the type of person fit to run our nation?" Crap, crap, crap!

I kind of felt bad asking him if his parents even liked him, but that feeling went away when he responded, "I don't know, jumpy Mc-chicken, I haven't asked them lately." The idiot!

And I just made it way worse when a dang owl hooted, and owl for peat's sake, and I nearly jumped into Duncan's arms. They sure were warm though…

So now, I've made a fool of myself. And now, I'm scared. What if I can't get any sleep to wake up tomorrow?

Man, I just hope I get the sleeping bag. I'll be kind of cold if I don't.

* * *

_Pee and Fire, What a weird Combination_

Dear Journal,

I told you the worst had yet to come! Did I not say that? Did I not?

God, and of course it happens thanks to one of the people I considered was my best friend on the island!

Bridgette, of course had to go pee while we were all sleeping in the tent. Did I mention that Duncan got the sleeping bag and was sleeping soundly? Yes, of course _he_ gets it. So anyway, Bridgette and pee, right. I almost blew chunks when I saw a bottle DJ had been peeing in because he was too scared to go outside.

So Bridgette went out of the tent, and I kind of rolled over to see who was on my side. Duncan, of course, was breathing softly next to me. I couldn't help but smile. He looked so… less Duncan while he was asleep.

Of course, this was all interrupted by a bear form or something, which we all found out was Bridgette after the tent was in flames and quickly turned to ash. How Bridgette managed to set the tent on fire, I will never know. What I do know was that I was madder than a hornet at that girl. How could she set the dang tent on fire? We now had nowhere to sleep!

Duncan, or should I say the 'peace maker' now, told me it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad? Things were horrible! And why was he preaching to me now? What, is he the delinquent with a heart of gold or something? I told him nothing could possibly get worse! And, as if I call its name, as if fate had betrayed me, and as if destiny was telling me this was it, the worst came, and hit me with a drop. The rain wasn't enough to hide my screams or anger. I'm pretty sure the Screaming Gophers heard me. What I mean to say is this- I really don't care.

And now we are all sitting under a banana leaf, held by DJ, with Harold and Tyler having to sit in the rain. Bridgette is smart to not talk to me tonight: for all she knows she might have a few bones broken in the morning.

Should I have ever come to this stupid island? Because right now, I'm having my doubts.

* * *

_The Very Comfy Sleeping Bag Named Duncan_

Dear Journal,

Oh! I messed up so bad! Oh my god I'm so. Freaking. Stupid.

I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up sleeping on top of Duncan. I mean, he was the one sitting there with his arm around me! It was way easier just to blame it on him. But the bad thing is that it wasn't his fault. I remember what I had been thinking about, and it so wasn't good. How I could I dream that?

In my dream, I was really cold, and I was sitting under that stupid banana leaf and it was raining but nobody was with me. I felt so alone and cold and empty, and purely sad. And then I felt really warm. Like really warm. Let just say way more comfy than a sleeping bag.

And I smelled him. I literally was inhaling that scent of smoke and cologne, and the other smell I couldn't indentify but loved all the same. And then, I woke up, smiling, only opening one eye, to see none other than Duncan, sarcastically saying, "Good morning Sunshine."

The only good thing about it was that he didn't say princess.

I'm thanking the lord right now for not letting anyone else but DJ awake at that time. It was so embarrassing! Now Duncan thinks I like him. Which I don't! This is just a phase. A very stupid, ignorant, and dumb phase which I'm going through. It'll were off any time now.

At least I hope so.


	5. 41 to 50

_Stupid Twins and Spicy Tuna_

Dear Journal,

Stupid Twins!

Stupid Chris!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Those two stupid twins, Katie and Sadie, which, to tell the truth, I don't know which is which, are the dumbest- craziest- and most loseristic (is this a word?) people I have ever met!

They lost the challenge for us! They confirmed my predictions, just when I thought this wouldn't happen. We actually made it back first! But thanks to Thing 1 and Thing 2 we lost. They made up some stupid excuse about a bear and how it attacked them.

You want to know what I think. I don't care if a bear put you in a soup pot, slammed you with herbs and spices, rolled you up into a spicy tuna roll, ate you, threw you back up and then burnt you to a crisp! They still lost the challenge!

Duncan seemed amused by my anger, which is just great. I'm glad his day is going so good, seeming how mine is complete wreck!

You might think I'm over-exaggerating. But can you really ever be worried about how much of a drama queen you are when a butt ton of money is on the line?

Nope, you just have to figure out whom to vote off, which, guess what? I've already done for the night! So, whichever one of you stupid twins claims the name which begins with a 'k', prepare for your doom!

* * *

_The end of Our Winning Streak_

Dear Journal,

Okay, so now I know. Katie is the thinner one.

Chris was wrong: this had to be the least dramatic campfire ceremony ever. It was between the twins- and really, nobody truly cared which one was gone. The one they call Katie went home though. This Sadie girl is crying her eyeballs out now, and going ballistic. Please.

I'm going to my cabin for a second, then going back to mope with the rest of my Killer Bass teammates.

Our winning streak is over. And it only lasted for such a short time!

* * *

_The Hook man Strikes Again! In the Neck_

Dear Journal,

And to think I thought he had a shred of decency in him! At least a shred!

When I got to my cabin, there were a lot of gnats and crap out (I hate bugs, they hate me back. Way of life.). And then, Duncan decides to come. When I asked him what he wanted, he surprised me, as he seems to do a lot.

He said that he was sorry he had scared with the hook-man story and everything. I thought it was really nice and sweet- until I realized what he had just said. I wasn't scared when he told me that story- just surprised. And there is no such thing a hook-man.

He told me he was right, and then pulled out his hook AGAIN, and yelled, 'Or are you!'And boy was I 'surprised'. Or as you may call it, I screamed. God, Courtney, what is wrong with you? Acting like a damn two year old!

I yelled at him (as usual), and stomped off, but not before I was satisfied with the sound of flesh meeting hook.

Now I just finished taking the hook out of Duncan's neck- how it got there? You don't want to know- and overhear Chris talking about how the next challenge will be tomorrow, to save time for later episodes. This is just great!

Now were on a losing streak. Let's hope- let's pray- that like our winning streak, it ends.

* * *

_Gummy Worms, Chicken, Jell-O, and Celine_

Dear Journal,

It looks like everyone at camp just had a very emotional moment together. Everyone except me.

All of the Killer Bass and I were around the campfire, mourning out our loss with Sadie crying quite loudly in the background. It was like the picture of perfect pathetic.

Then the Screaming Gophers come over, acting all sweet and nice. Really, they just wanted to air out the cabin because of Owen. Figures.

Then Beth, that wannabe girl, comes and offers me some green jelly. GREEN JELLY! Oh my god. I almost hyperventilated and said no way too fast. Duncan asked me if I was on a diet or something, and I just said I didn't like it. I almost let that slip. Thank goodness.

Then she offered some to DJ, which cause him to cry out 'snake' and kick the plate. I then realized there had been a gummy worm in the middle. He must have been afraid of snakes.

Then Tyler said he was afraid of chickens. Chickens? Really? Duncan laughed at him for it, which, if I had not been trying to get in better places with these people, I would have too.

And sooner or later everyone was sharing their phobias. When someone asked me what mine was and claimed I wasn't afraid or anything, Duncan had coughed 'bologna' under his breath. I wasn't afraid of the stupid Hook-Man. Like I said 'surprised' was the word for my screams. I asked him what his phobia was then.

He looked at me really weird, like how a deer caught in the headlights would: confused and scared. He then mumbled out, 'Celine Dion Music Store Standees'.

This is great. Oh, this is great. I can get him back with a card-board cut out! I think that some little guardian angel was sparing me right then, and her name was revenge.

But then right after Trent announced his fear of mimes, they asked me again. I said nothing, as the first. Duncan had to be stupid ad comment about it. I was just humoring him with the stupid story, nothing more. Then he had to go with that stupid sarcastic smirk and say, 'Whatever floats your boat Princess'.

I hate it when he's sarcastic. I hate it when he smirks. And I hate it when he calls me Princess! I'm nobody's Princess- I'm Courtney. And Courtney isn't afraid of anything.

And Courtney really needs to stop talking in third person!

* * *

_Champs or Chickens?_

Dear Journal,

Oh my gosh! This next challenge, we are sure to win! Or at least- if we don't win, I'm sure to not get kicked off.

You remember how everyone told everyone else their phobias? Chris say's were playing a game called 'Phobia Factor', and I can't get caught for this one! I didn't confess my phobia, so I have nothing to worry about! I can't get kicked off!

But then he showed Tyler a chicken leg, and Tyler took it in his hand. Then he took a bite- and out popped a live chicken! He started screaming to no end, and Bridgette and I had to remove it from his hands.

Oh man… thinking about that makes me realize something- this might not be so easy…

* * *

_Worms, Worms, Good For Nothing Really_

Dear Journal,

Beth just had to jump into a big pool full of worms. It was creepy, and even though that isn't my worst fear, I don't know if I would have done it. Not because it's scary- but because it's gross. It sent shivers down my spine just thinking about it though, and I had to hold onto Duncan's shoulder for support. Thank god, he didn't say anything to me about it. He can be really great and quiet when he wants to be.

DJ puked… gross. But it was nasty. He must have an easy stomach.

But Beth! I mean, she just went out, shrugged her shoulders, and did it! I like that in a person- it's great in competition. I was wrong about that girl- she isn't a wannabe. She's a winner, and we all know how I feel about winners. They are all good in my book. Of course, that did lose points for our team though…

Never mind. I don't like her.

So yeah, the beginning of the challenge. And we're already behind.

Great!

* * *

_Phobia Factor, Can You Face Your Fear?_

Dear Journal,

So Sadie and Lindsay are going around with some of the most awful wigs I've ever seen. It shouldn't be that hard to do that challenge- but with those dim-wits, you never know.

Owen and Izzy are stuck up in a plane with Chef. That's gotta be scary, even though I've been on many planes. He probably wouldn't land it for anything, even if you pleaded your life.

Harold is stuck in the toilet… I don't know how, put someone says it has something to do with ninja's.

Leshawnna got scared of Chef in a bug suit, and ran off screaming (glad she's not on my team).

Heather had to face off with a sumo wrestler. To tell you the truth- she looked for real scared. I've never seen Heather look that vulnerable. I didn't feel sorry for her though. She read Gwen's diary out loud- and that was harsh. This was kinda everyone's way of repaying her.

Of course, she doesn't get taken out like I want her to. The sumo actually tripped over her, and started rolling away… like a big jelly roll. (Sorry sumo's- couldn't help but go there! :P)

Bridgette is now in the woods. I told her it was only 6 hours- longer than we had stayed in the last challenge. But then she got all creeped out when Chris reminded her that this was all alone. No one could come with her. I feel sorry for her. No one to talk to, no one to stay by for protection. There have to be a few camera men out there though- right?

I saw them burying Gwen alive- under a glass case of course. Even though I do like Gwen a little- I still hope she fails and chickens out. It's a competition, and I want to win it! Of course, she has Trent to talk to, which is sweet. I wonder if a guy would cheer me on, if I had exposed my fear.

DJ got all weird because of a snake, not even as big as my pinky finger! All the guy had to do was pick it up. So I kept shouting at him, telling him to do this for the team. People kept on looking at me weird. Would it have been better if I had just said 'Hey, you can do this buddy?" No! DJ needed someone to push him- and I did. He picked up the snake in the end. And that was when I said, "Fear is only in the Mind." Just like in chapter 6 of 'Total Triumph for Teens'- it works, and it's true.

We all saw Trent being chased by a mime, which was weird. Cody is now defusing a time bomb- under serious pressure- he's only got ten minutes.

Now we're going to do someone else's… I'm getting tired of this. We're lacking behind people! We're going to lose if we keep this up! The next person had better win this- they had better get this point!

* * *

_Duncan v Celine Dion_

Dear Journal,

I'm really embarrassed now.

So Duncan right? He had to hug a Celine Dion Music store standee. I have never seen him so scared in his life. I decided it would be good if maybe I helped him.

I told him she was nice. I told him she was pretty- which really, I'm not too sure about that. But he just stuttered out, "That looks… really… real dude."

And then Tyler told him to get his head in the game. No! That wouldn't help him right now. Duncan liked challenges. Duncan liked it when someone showed him something that he had to win. It intrigued him.

It didn't look like there would be much intriguing here today though. So I just said something I knew he wouldn't be able to back out of.

I told him it was okay if he couldn't do it. It came out so smoothly- and that's when I realized I had meant it.

He gave me that look that said now he knew he had to do it. He took a deep breath, but still looked reluctantly at the standee. I don't why, but something made me take a hold of his hand. It was so warm.

He smiled at me, and told me he would try. I told him he could it. I knew he could. I mean it was Duncan. The bad boy- the delinquent. He could take down a standee anytime.

He ran toward it, and he hugged to freaking crap out of Celine! It was awesome. I told him that too, as soon as I started hugging him. And then everyone gathered around, and he kept on yelling about he did it.

And then I came to reality. I was hugging Duncan. Duncan. Of all people. I quickly let go and tried to hide the heat that rushed to my face.

It was so embarrassing. People won't stop asking why I went so hard on DJ and not on Duncan. And I couldn't answer. Ugh! Well, at least nothing else can go all weird for today. And at least he got us back in the game.

* * *

_It's Not My Fault_

Dear Journal,

Geoff is being pelted with hail from a tiny cloud. It looks really suspicious.

Bridgette finally came back from the woods- but she was running away, and from a trash covered Cody. So, Bridgette lost her challenge. Great.

I heard that Trent left Gwen buried in the sand. I thought he better than that. Gwen seems really mad. This is good for our team- a little bit of hatred always stirs things up, especially when it's relationship problems. I can't help but feel sorry for her, and it's rare for me to feel that way.

Now we are going to see if Tyler can do this. It's the last challenge of the day- we have to win this! Or we lose- yet again. And I can't stand that.

At least I have no chance of getting voted off- it's not my fault if we lose.

* * *

_The Truth About Green Jelly_

Dear Journal,

This is so bad.

I'm dead. I'm dead. Or I wish I could die.

I can't do it! There's no way…

So I was yelling at Tyler, because he was just sitting there during his little chicken challenge- like not even trying to get near them! I mean come on! Chickens?

So then, when I screamed about how it's the last challenge, Cody shows me that there is no way we could possibly win, even if he did this challenge. And before I could even sigh, Chris said that there was another challenge.

I told him it was impossible. I had never admitted my fear… and then he said I didn't have too. When I had jumped from that green jelly last night, my reaction was enough to prove it.

But then I said we still couldn't win- so I didn't have to jump. But he said he'd give us triple points- enough to win.

Now I'm sitting here while they make the tub of jelly for me to jump in. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to jump in there?

I have to- if I don't, they will vote me off. I would have cost them the challenge. So, I guess… I'm gonna do it. As much I hate to say this, I'm going to do it.


	6. 51 to 60

_No Longer A Killer Bass Girl_

Dear Journal,

I'm going home!

And right now, I'm staining this journal. Stupid tears, stupid me, stupid green jelly! I'm so stupid! Stupid, stupid…

I got up there, and Gwen said that it was probably warm by now. Ugh- forget feeling sorry for her- she was trying to make me give up. I told her otherwise- I wasn't going to quit.

And Duncan, he cheered for me. I almost smiled, but I was so nervous, I couldn't feel my face.

When I got to the top, I put my hands on my knees. Was I really going to do this?

And then Duncan yells, "Like you said Courtney, its okay if you can't do it!" I went weak in the knees for three reasons: one, I was terribly nervous. Two, Duncan had tried to help me. And three- he said my name. My real name.

And then Bridgette totally ruined it by saying, "It is? But we'll lose the challenge!" Way to be supportive. I think Geoff is wearing off on her…

But then, I couldn't jump. I said I was coming down, and watch as my teammates hung their heads down in shame. Oh, it was so bad! I cost us the challenge- I lost. I was a failure, and loser. It hurt to think that, but it was true.

When I headed down, I felt the tears coming and walked away, swallowing my pride- or what was left of it, at least. I'm such a loser, a goner- and no longer a killer bass.

* * *

_Someone Broke The Rules?_

Dear Journal,

It makes no sense at all.

How am I still here? Still writing in this journal? Still in the competition?

It had been between Bridgette, Tyler and I to be voted off- due to the fact that none of us preformed our challenges. Then Bridgette got a marshmallow, and I was very close to fainting. I've never failed this badly in life, and I'm Courtney! I mean… I don't fail! I don't fall this hard, and not be able to get back up.

And then, I almost fell off the stump. He said my name! He threw a white sweet treat at me! I. Did. Not. FAIL!

But I wasn't happy. I mean, I'm still not happy. I might be competitive, and yes, I do anything to win… but that wasn't fair. It seemed as if someone had cheated, like someone broke the rules. I felt dirty just thinking about it.

And people made fun of Tyler with chicken jokes. Would they do that if I was voted off? Jell-O jokes? I shook my head, and told all them to stop it. It hurt. I was seeing it from his point of view. And it wasn't fun.

I didn't break the rules… did I? No, I did not.

Someone else did.

I don't know who, but someone must have messed with the votes. Maybe someone really wanted Tyler gone. Maybe the person who wanted me gone is plotting right now! Maybe there are a lot of people who I might think I know, but don't.

I guess now I have to figure this out. Before I rip my head off in anger and defeat. And right now, I'm pretty close.

* * *

_Little 'chats' With Duncan_

Dear Journal,

I'm speechless. That's probably the reason I'm writing this down. Because I can't talk right now- let's be glad I can breathe. I mean, I'm shocked, stunned, and bewildered! It makes no sense in the slightest.

On my search to figure things out, Bridgette informed me that Duncan had talked to her about something before the challenge. She said he told her not to vote me off, because if she did, he was threatening to convince everyone to vote her off. She told me she was planning on voting for Tyler anyway, but that Duncan had confirmed her vote.

And now, after talking to everyone here, all of the Killer Bass tell me they each had a little 'chat' with Duncan.

Why does he want me here? So he can tease me more? I'm a CIT- I can handle things on my own. I don't need his help to stay on the island.

Wait… so that means Duncan broke the rules! You're not allowed to threaten or persuade someone's vote like that! Cheater! He cheated! He cheated! I have to talk to him. You never break the rules, especially when I'm involved.

* * *

_The Name Game Really Works!_

Dear Journal,

After confronting Duncan, I've realized something. Maybe I was putting out the wrong emotion. I was looking at this all wrong.

When I ask at first, he denied it all. Of course, I wasn't taking his crap, and told him I had asked around, and everyone claimed that he had threatened, even his close friend Geoff and DJ, who had a very hard time admitting. I wasn't letting him off that easily.

Duncan said that maybe it seemed a bit unfair that I was going to go home just due to the fact that Chris had tripled the points for my challenge.

Being the arguer and wanting them all, I couldn't just drop it. I told him that maybe he should stick to his own business, and that it would be better for both of us if he left me alone.

Then it happened.

I don't think I've ever seen it before.

Duncan was mad.

Now yes, I've seen him irritated. But never actually, truly angry.

He didn't yell, which surprised me, because I know I would have. He kept his voice leveled and calm, but it had an edge. His eyebrows were narrowed. "If I had stuck to my own business, **Courtney**, would you still be here? And why question a good deed when you can just say thank you?"

I mean how was I supposed to respond to that? I think I even gulped! So all I could say was thanks.

I had expected him to storm off, but his hard face just melted into a smirk. "You're welcome Princess." He started walking off, but he stopped and turned back to me. "I think that if you wanna get on my ass for not leaving you alone; think about how you never give me any peace either, Sweetheart. Thankfully, I enjoy your company, so I'm not complaining."

And then he was gone.

I think I've figured out something about my name. Duncan only uses it when he wants to have a big effect on my mood. Just like during the phobia challenge, when I was afraid of jumping, he used my name. And the current situation- my name was found.

I don't even know if Duncan realized it.

All I knew was one thing.

It worked.

* * *

_Memories in the Making For Money_

Dear Journal,

So, I woke up this morning, and I'm already putting on a life jacket. We never get a break, do we?

We apparently have to go to some place called Boney Island. Chris claims it's cursed, and Owen thinks that's awesome. Am I the only one who thinks he was dropped on his head multiple times as a child?

I think I'll probably take this journal with me on the canoe. I'd like to get every fact, every detail, every moment recorded just right. I mean, these are memories in the making people. It'll probably sell at a huge price, with millions of copies being sold all around the world when I become president.

* * *

_Oh, That's SOOO Bad!_

Dear Journal,

Poor Geoff.

Everyone knows he likes Bridgette already. And now he just ruined it, totally messed it up- big time.

First, I think I sort of ruined his chances of getting anywhere with her this time. When Bridgette had been waving for me to be her canoe partner, I'm pretty sure Geoff had believed she was asking for him. At least until she asked, quite obviously, very loudly if I would be her partner. When I agreed, I saw Geoff's face fall. Even though he got to go with DJ, I feel sorry for the guy.

Next when we got in the canoe, she looked fidgety. "I have to tell you something." When I asked what her problem was, she stated that it was Geoff.

I just knew this wouldn't be good.

He made her a heart shaped change holder, with their faces in a picture- badly photo shopped by Geoff and a pair of scissors. She said something had even been engraved in the back- 'I hope you think of me every time you drop loose change into this."

Oh.

That's so bad!

I had slapped my hand to my forehead it was so bad.

If he and Bridgette had ever had anything between them before- it was screwed now- gone.

I think I'm getting caught up in this, though, because I'm afraid of what Duncan said to me. I don't want it to be true. I want to be right. I wish last night had never happened. So I could have just left him alone. Because I'm feeling things, and it's making me all queasy.

…But Geoff- it was so bad!

I wonder why Duncan is canoeing with Sadie and Harold- he hates them, doesn't he?

Well, I bet he just wants to go with anyone other than me. I questioned something nice he did for me.

I kept trying to look at him, but I felt ashamed. His words from last night are stuck in my head. He probably see's me as some snotty chick now.

He probably hates me.

My stomach keeps flipping when I think of that. I don't want him to see me that way. I don't know why, but for some reason, I liked it better when he teased me.

I liked it better when he didn't ignore me like I told him to.

* * *

_No One is on My Side_

Dear Journal,

So, we were paddling there, after Bridgette's very pathetic story about Geoff, and some really heavy fog was coming in. Then we came up to 'Boney Island', and it actually was kind of creepy. There was a huge skull on the side of the mountain there.

I thought about Duncan, but then forced it away from my mind. Duncan was ignoring me- so I would ignore him too.

So then, Izzy has to make some comments about it. 'Oh did you see that skull? It's like this place is haunted!' I think she was trying to provoke us. Well, it worked. I was a bit scared.

So we picked up our canoes and started running. I wanted to make it out of here as fast as I could.

Thankfully, we got in front of the other team thanks to some birds chasing them. Someone threw some bread- I wonder where they got that- and distracted them, though.

So we came to a fork in the road, and DJ asked everyone which way we were gonna go. I choose left, because left was always pretty lucky, right? But then Geoff had to argue and say we take the one on the right. And then stupid Bridgette had to say 'the right trail is wider', and support Geoff's idea. Was no one on my side anymore?

And then, halfway through the **right **trail, Geoff went and hurt himself- how, I'll never know. But Bridgette, the little sap she is, went to his rescue. I didn't believe this for a minute. When he said to go on without him, I started walking. What? He was holding us back.

I heard someone snicker then, and I saw it was Duncan. He looked to Geoff, then back to me, and winked. We that supposed to be some kind of code? As if reading my mind, he nodded. And I got it. This was some stupid ploy for Geoff and Bridgette's relationship. But Geoff really looked hurt.

But Duncan was communicating with me again, and I felt happy. He wasn't mad at me anymore. Thank goodness.

So then, Harold and DJ had to carry Geoff on top of their canoe. It slowed us down a bit, but I guess it was okay.

The Gophers were already here when we got to the end. They already have a bunch of firewood and stuff. Now were just in a rush to see who can make the biggest one. I shouldn't be writing in this, but no one will figure out that's what I'm doing.

Right now, I'm just hoping we don't lose. Because the only person who seems to be okay with me is Duncan. And that could mean that I could be voted off.

* * *

_Acceptance and Canoeing With No Paddles_

Dear Journal,

After we got fire wood, guess what? Duncan pulled a lighter out! I wasn't sure if that was against the rules or not, but I didn't care. It was our only shot. We made a fire before the Gophers could even get a spark.

But, we were working as a team again. Even Geoff helped get fire wood… which looked really painful.

When DJ encouraged Bridgette to help Geoff with his leg, I finally got it. No one had planned on this, but it was still a plot to get them together. …Why couldn't I think of that?

Our fire still didn't look big enough though. So as soon as I said something about it, Harold went and took the dang canoe paddles, and he threw them into the fire! How were we supposed to paddle back now?

Then I realized something. Now, if we lost, it would be Harold's fault. And I wouldn't get voted off!

And then something totally huge exploded over where the Gophers were! It was their fire! How they did, I would never know, but it was huge! So the Gophers won that.

It looked like we were going to lose now. We had no paddles, and no ideas. At least we didn't until Izzy recommended we have someone push them from behind. So we needed someone big enough to do just that. It had to be DJ.

DJ didn't want to, but then I had to point out that Harold's thin arms weren't going to cut it. And then I heard another snicker. I looked to Duncan, and he smiled at me. And I felt my face heat up and my heart pound a million times faster.

But I don't like him… right?

So then, DJ said he would do it. And then, he was swimming us home, fast too! I was cheering, and I didn't know why, but I felt elated. It wasn't because we could win, or because DJ concurred him fear. I think it was because I realized something. I liked Duncan.

But I couldn't tell him that. Not yet.

But I did. I liked him.

We sailed past the other team and then- even though we crashed- we won! We won! And I was so happy.

So I'm not gonna get voted off, and we won again. Maybe our losing streak is finally over!

* * *

_Can't Admit it Yet_

Dear Journal,

I heard that Izzy wasn't really voted off, but ran away because the RCMP was on her trail. I didn't think any of that crap she was saying was really true until now.

So Bridgette broke her little present from Geoff. She seemed really sad about it, and asked if I had any glue. Wasn't she complaining about it before? I told her I wouldn't waste my time fixing that thing. She mumbled something, but I didn't pay attention.

I feel asleep very happy. It was like I had finally seen what I was missing.

I just hoped that nobody realized that liked him. Not yet. I was ready to admit it to myself, but not to other people.

* * *

_Duncan Has A Nightmare_

Dear Journal,

Everything was pretty peaceful in the morning. I got up earlier than the other campers, because I was in such a good mood for the past few days. So, everything was pretty great until Chris decided to fly the helicopter over the camp. Then all hell broke loose.

First, I heard someone scream "Hit the deck!" Duncan. He sounded scared, like more scared than the whole 'Celine Dion standee' thing. He said like that they were coming, that they had found us. I don't know who he was talking about, but I came out of the cabin to the guys side and asked what the hell was going on.

Geoff and DJ just gave me weird looks and pointed at Duncan. And you'll never believe this. Duncan was sitting there, shivering, and hiding under the bed. I don't know what his problem was. At first I thought it was funny, but then Duncan turned to me and the expression on his face told me he was so serious that laughing at him would be like digging up someone's grave.

From the other cabin, I heard some girl shout that Chris was getting on her last nerve, and then some bickering. Our girls cabin is so much more peaceful, probably for the fact that we only have three girls left.

But anyway, Heather was totally holding up the bathroom this morning, so I just followed Gwen's example and went in the woods.

Now Chris wants us to come to the campfire for the most 'extreme hunting challenge ever'. Whatever. Bridgette looked pretty shaky about that, her being a vegetarian and all. I hope we don't really have to shoot anything.


	7. 61 to 70

_Beans and Paintball Guns_

Dear Journal,

So we were at the campfire pit, and the only one who seemed to be in a good mood was Owen. I kept looking to Duncan. He looks normal now. What was that this morning?

So all Chris fed us this morning was beans. Beans, beans, just cans of unopened beans were just being tossed in the air, but Owen, again, was the only one who seemed happy about it.

As soon as he said we were going hunting, he held up a paintball gun, and I saw half of the crowd of campers eyes light up. I've never used a paintball gun before, so… Is that lame? Chris shot Harold with it, and it looked pretty painful. Bridgette asked if we wouldn't be hunting animals and he said no, and I felt better for her. That made her a whole lot more comfortable, and a much better effort for our team.

I really want to win this, unless you couldn't tell. Chris calls it a 'Paintball Deer Hunt'. Creative. He says we should meet him in the woods.

I'm going to take this diary. I never know if I might have a chance to write more.

* * *

_Bambi is kinda PO'd_

Dear Journal,

So we get to woods, and we see Chris standing there with a big wall with paintball guns being held by hooks. He told us he was going to break the teams down.

He told us our hunters (the Killer Bass) were Bridgette, Geoff and Harold, and they all got neon green guns. The Gopher hunters were Owen, Lashawnna, Lindsay and Beth, with red paintball guns.

He then told us that the rest of us were the deer. I finally got how this all came together now. Our hunters hunted their deer, vice versa. Heather and Duncan were not so happy. He said that there was no way he was a deer. Chris put on his 'gear' for him, right in front of everybody- a little red nose, antlers, and little white fluffy tails. Duncan's face only got redder as Owen called him Bambi. Duncan got up in his face and everything.

He seems angrier than usual.

I'm going to watch him.

But anyway, we were walking through the woods- Sadie, DJ, Duncan and I. DJ just skipped off like a real deer, Sadie walked off on her own, and then Duncan looked at me. He smiled for the first time this morning. I thought he might say something really meaningful, to convince me that he liked me back, but all he said was that I looked cute in my deer outfit, and then walked on.

I don't know why, but I'm disappointed. I feel like Duncan is angry because I saw him kind of lose it this morning. Whatever, I'm just going to walk around and hope I don't get shot… Well, that was a weird sentence.

* * *

_We're A Team So Don't Get Shot Please_

Dear Journal,

I saw Owen chasing DJ up the cliff. I really hope DJ doesn't get shot (I'm not being racist). You have to have the game in mind, the challenge in your head at all times.

So I've just been walking around, passing trees, over and over again. I saw Heather once, but she just told me that she wishes she was on our team so she wouldn't have to be with such lame stupid idiots that inhabited her side of the camp.

I don't know about those Gophers, but the Killer Bass are a team. We all told each other that at least one of us has to make it to the final five (hopefully that means me!).

This is so boring. I thought this challenge was going to pump me up, but really it's just making me wishing something would go wrong… I have a feeling I shouldn't have said that.

* * *

_Kisses on the cheek, and well, Balls_

Dear Journal,

Oh, it was soooooo bad!

It was worse than when we lost the first challenge, when I fell asleep on Duncan, when he scared me with that hook man story, worse than all of that combined! It was so _**BAD.**_

The whole camp saw it! Now I'm dead! They all know, and they're going to use it against me. They will never leave me alone about it ever again.

Well, I guess I ought to start at the beginning.

As I told you, I was just kind of walking through the forest, but then I saw Duncan looking still kind of pissed off but he didn't see me.

I thought he looked kind of cute, mad but natural, loose. And then I realized that he spray painting a tree, with a skull symbol none the less! I was going to tell him to stop and that he was harming nature, but as I came closer to him, I smelled something really gross.

I asked him what the raging stink was and why he smelled worse than usual- I'm still going on the defensive here guys. His eyes landed on me, and for I second I saw him smile, but it disappeared as soon as it came along. My heart pounded in my chest, but once he told me it was just Owen's stink, he kind of ruined the moment.

I wondered if he knew that if he had came up and kissed me right then, he would have had me. He could have totally claimed me as his own in that moment, held me forever, because I was just drowning.

But it was ruined. Over. I would push him away.

I told him I was going back to camp because the challenge must be over, and I kind of wanted him to walk with me- I know! What is wrong with me, but Duncan had to be stubborn.

He told me I was going in the wrong direction, and I just had to tell him I'm a C.I.T. because I'm just that retarded that it's the only thing I know how to say during a time like this, and I'm pretty sure it's not doing me any good in the why-the-hell-won't-you-listen-to-me-and-just-realize-I'm-right department. We shot each other these evil looks and then started walking our own walks until we ran into each other.

So I'm standing there thinking that OK, Duncan has had his fun and I told him to let me go. Then I realized he couldn't even if he wanted to, because we were stuck. Our antlers were totally stuck together, and I felt like giving up right then, and I asked him what we were supposed to do.

You know what he asked me? Do you really want to know? Yes, I'm very sure you do! He asked me if I wanted to make out.

I swear my mouth went so dry at that question. I had to look at him with this blank stare, my face completely red and I told him we needed to get back to camp. I prayed that any camera men weren't there. I was already embarrassed as hell that Duncan was there.

So since you can't take off your antlers because that's the rules of the challenge (Duncan looked kind of pissed when I said that), we were both stuck together fighting over which way to go back to camp. Duncan told me if I kissed him we could go my way. I was tempted, but said no. He said just one on the cheek would do it.

I did it too! I kissed Duncan on the cheek, tried to act irritated. I just kind of watched in amusement as Duncan blushed SUPER RED! It was so… I don't know. Cute. Empowering. And it was great, because things suddenly were going vice versa.

But when we finally got back to camp, everyone was standing there, giggling at us. Owen told Duncan he was sly, and Duncan made some rude comment about how I couldn't keep my antlers off him. I thought he was going to say something about me kissing him on the cheek. So I did the one thing you should never ever do, but I did it anyway.

I kind of kicked Duncan in his froot loops. You know- his kiwis. His coconuts.

**HIS BALLS! **I kicked Duncan's balls. There you go. He totally fell to the ground and then Bridgette and Geoff finally decided it would be a bright idea to separate us.

Chris told me to calm down, and then I saw Cody. He was torn up! I don't know what happened to him, but it must have sucked.

And then said that we won the challenge! Apparently the Gophers had shot their own team, some of who weren't even deer (how that happened I'll never know). I was so happy.

And then I looked at Duncan and I knew he was probably pissed at me, he probably still is. But hey! I'm pissed too! He was being a jerk and…

Maybe I should go apologize. I feel really bad. I'll be right back!

* * *

_I Put Duncan in his (Insert Curse) Place_

Dear Journal,

Ugh! That idiot!

Why does he continue to disappoint me? I want to have a good reason to like him, but he keeps putting it into question with STUPID, completely IDIOTIC behavior. And I am so tired of being left angry and confused when it comes to every single conversation I try to have with him.

HE IS SO IMPOSSIBLE! GOSH!

I have to calm down. I sound like Harold.

OK, so everyone was still at the campfire, and I tried to talk Duncan and he looked so pitiful, sitting there, holding his crotch. Of course, the sap I am, and the complete verbal idiot I tend to be around him, I asked if he needed some help.

He told me I could squeeze them and maybe that would make him feel better. And the look on his face was enough to make me want to kick him again, that dumbass smirk! What an asshole.

And then everyone started laughing and my face went RED. Red. Like a freaking tomato! And I was so scared that Duncan would say something about that kiss. I leaned down and whispered, furiously, that if he said a goddamn word I'd do more than kick them next time.

And do you know what that idiot, what that –pardon me, but- fucking retarded ass wipe said?

He said, very loud, that I can do whatever I want. He said, "Yes, I know, the woods at twelve, I'll bring the condoms", and everyone, even Bridgette, burst out in uncontrollable laughter. And in that moment, I died a bit.

In a moment, everyone but Bridgette, Geoff, and DJ left the campfire. They were all still laughing, but walked off. I sat there, my breathes ragged, the people left at the campfire still stifling laughter, Duncan saying, "Sweetheart, I'll let you do anything to me".

I died a bit more, and then I raised hell.

I smacked Duncan so hard he fell off the tree stump. I think I may have damaged him for life, but all I did was say, "Mother fucking ASSHOLE! You goddamned SONOFABITCH!" And everyone went dead silent. Chris walked up and said that we all needed to calm down, but I was PISSED. I told Chris that if Duncan could lie and claim that I wanted to have sex with him, I was allowed to kick his ass.

Chris backed off, saying that as long as I didn't kill him, I was in line.

I smirked at Duncan, who was still groining from being slapped right after being kicked in the balls. I told him that I'll meet him in the woods.

When he learns something called RESPECT.

I walked away and now I'm sitting here writing. And I don't feel bad at all.

Well, at least not that much.

* * *

_At Least More Than A Little Bit_

Dear Journal,

Bridgette tells me that Duncan must like me a lot, because he didn't get mad for the slapping thing at all. He just said that he shouldn't have expected any less from 'My Princess'. Bridgette just kept giggling out of her mind.

I am not that amused about the whole situation.

I told Bridgette that I don't like him. And then she told me that I ought to stop lying to myself because once he gets voted off I'm going to feel really bad. I thought about that, and I'm kinda scared. If Duncan does get voted off, I'll be scarred, because, I mean, I do like him. More than a little.

And I'm not lying to myself! I'm not. No, not at all. I only like Duncan because this is a phase, and I'm gonna get over it.

I've got my own challenges to do, and I can't worry about Duncan screwing his parts up. I don't like him for real.

Not at all. Well, at least not more than a little bit.

* * *

_Challenges AKA Busy and Stupid_

Dear Journal,

I woke up this morning to some yelling in the boys cabin. They were all arguing about something with Harold, and I'm totally worn out from screaming at Duncan yesterday.

Whatever. Chris says it's challenge day and that means we need to meet him at the beach ASAP. If I could get some damn sleep, maybe I would understand everyone here. But I don't. So I'm super tired. Bridgette is saying we have to go.

I'm gonna bring this with me. I feel like today is gonna be a busy day, but as challenge day, it's always busy. Busy and stupid. I just hope it's not a completely idiotic challenge like the last one.

* * *

_Sophisticated is the Word_

Dear Journal,

I'm actually amazed with this! It's a cooking challenge! It's one of the most sophisticated things we've done yet, and I didn't think I would ever be able to use the word sophisticated on this show, ever. I'm serious.

But we said that Geoff would our top chef, and I thank the lord for that, because I don't really do that much cooking. I mean, I can use a stove and oven and everything, but I'm not your biggest expert on this stuff.

OK, the guys have got everything off the truck (Which I could have sworn I saw a dolphin driving…). Gotta get it to the kitchen to start cooking some good food. Never thought I'd say that here either.

* * *

_Anyone But Him and Anyone But Me_

Dear Journal,

Ugh! Why me?

Of course, the world is gonna turn on me. Because that's the way these things work.

So we get to the stupid kitchen, right? And then DJ pairs off with Bridgette, Harold pairs off with Sadie, and of course. Of course the only person left is him.

I had to object, because for one- I'm supposed to angry with him! Why would they pair us up? Why?

And Duncan and Geoff just fanned their eyelashes and said, come on, take one for the team, Courtney. Although Geoff looked sincere, Duncan just looked devilish.

And I just got kicked out of the confessional for taking up "too much time". What? I get kicked out of the confessional for that and Duncan doesn't even get a warning for everything he's done to me?

And now I have to cook with a pig. I'm going to rip my eyes out if he calls me princess one more time. Anyone but him. Anyone!

* * *

_Custard and Harold's Tidy-Whitey's _

Dear Journal,

OK. You can say 'hello' to your new top dog.

Yeah, that's right. I threw the big bowl of custard at Duncan's face. And even if we have to rush to make some more again, I. DON'T. CARE. Because I pissed Duncan off.

I feel like I should be on the red carpet or something. I want an award for doing that! I just can't stop myself from smiling. Duncan pissed me off, and for once, finally, I got the last word.

Am I getting too excited over all this?

Nope. I deserve this moment. I've been waiting for this moment for quite a while.

Also: The kitchen is a sanitary place, or at least, it should be, right? So tell me why Harold finds it OK to come in with nothing but his tidy-whiteys on? Just a question that I think should really be answered.

Ugh. Even though I'm happy about winning that argument, I can't get the image of Harold's underwear out of my mind. His legs were so gross and skinny and I really, really, didn't need to see that.

Thinking about that and all this food makes me sick. Bleh.


	8. 71 to 80

_It Can't Get Any Better Than This_

Dear Journal,

Well. Come on!

You wanna know don't you? Well, guess what?

We won!

YES!

So we all got done with our stuff, right? OK, so Sadie and Harold's antipasto was great, and DJ and Bridgette's spaghetti must have been AWESOME because they got on 15 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Then the gophers totally lost their main course when Owen ate it. Lashawnna was screaming really loud, and I felt bad for her and all the other girls on their team, but hey! It was good for us, so I can't complain.

Things seemed to be going great until Duncan and I took the stage. You know, I didn't think I would be as nervous as I was, but I found myself to the point of almost biting my nails. I haven't done that since I was twelve! And then, out of the blue, Duncan put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. And I was so touched I just got lost in his eyes and had to smile back.

I mean, I felt like a big sap, but my heart started beating really fast and everything and I just wanted to hug Duncan.

But, even with that tiny lump of encouragement… we got a six. A six! Do you know what that means? 60%, a D-, a FAILURE.

I held my head down in shame but still took notice to how Duncan didn't remove his hand from my shoulder.

So I was all scared that the gophers were gonna win, because even though we were ahead… their dessert looked really good. I was so upset I thought I might cry.

But then the greatest thing happened! (For us, not for them)

It like, pretty much exploded, and then when Chris tried to eat what little was left, HE CHOCKED! It was a great moment for everyone to see that asshole chock.

But unfortunately, he didn't die (damn).

But then, he asked what it was, and Lindsay was all "It's Heathers recipe" and then said that she just remembered she was locked in the freezer. My only thought was this day just couldn't get ANY better!

She was almost blue looking, and her eyebrows were messed up! And then she went off about the decorations on the table, and Beth said it was her tiki doll she had got from BONEY ISLAND! If anything, this challenge was just more and more awesome when she was reminded that it was cursed. I don't believe in curses, but I started to believe in this one and how much I was loving it!

And then Chris told us that we would be enjoying a five star dinner under the stars for winning! It was awesome, and then to top it all off, Duncan hugged me! He hugged me, and my heart like leapt like a million feet in the air, and then-

I was forced back into reality.

I told Duncan, 'put me down' sweetly, and then seriously 'put me down' with a bit of a threat. He put me down immediately because after the last time I got mad at him I think he didn't want me to kick him in some new place.

But still, it's so awesome that we won! Maybe I'll let Duncan hug me longer next time, but I'm not going to promise anything!

* * *

_And Of Course It Gets Worse_

Dear Journal,

Oh no! Oh crap!

OH MAN!

Dammit!

You know how sometimes, you're just feeling completely awesome one second, then someone points one _tiny _detail out and it ruins all of the greatness? Like the feeling of security and happiness just disappears?

Well, Bridgette is pretty damn good at making me feel that.

Even after we won the challenge she had to go and make me all mad about something else. Way to be optimistic, Bridge.

Well, I was going to wear what I always wear to the 'dinner under the stars' reward, but then Bridgette was all, "You're wearing **that?**" Like I was about to wear a fruit basket on my head or something.

And of course I was wearing THAT, this, I mean. Why wouldn't I be?

Bridgette said I should wear something fancy, like a dress, or a dressy type of top or something. Yeah, I packed some things like that, but only because my mom made me. I'm not one to dress up all extravagant, I mean, I will when people are going to be looking at me and stuff, but not to a freaking dinner.

Then Bridgette said that I had to 'woo' Duncan, and I told her I didn't care about him, but dear lord, we all know THAT's the biggest lie in the world. Of course I care about what Duncan thinks of me, what he thinks when he sees me.

And now I'm feeling really stupid because I have to wear something not too extravagant, but really pretty and hot, and I also have to 'woo' Duncan. Since when have I been trying to 'woo' him?

The real question is when was I not? It's hard to remember when I first started to gain an interest in him. It's hard to think about time's when I didn't have an interest in him. Ugh! It seems to me that this whole show is revolving around him when it comes to me.

* * *

_Maybe, Maybe, Probably Not_

Dear Journal,

OK. I'm about to go. I'm so nervous!

I'm wearing some shorts and a really pretty white dressy-type top that I wore when I was getting interviewed for my book Total Triumph for Teens. Maybe if I wear this top, I'll feel as confident as I did then.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe yes!

Probably not.

UGH!

* * *

_Hand Holding, Talk About WOW!_

Dear Journal,

So actually…

It wasn't that bad.

Actually…

It was awesome! Just so super fantastic… just awesome! I just…

Here's how it all went.

I walked down with Bridgette and Sadie to this big open spot on the beach, and big long tables had been set up, and then were stacked with food.

Like ACTUAL food.

Duncan and Geoff were already digging in, DJ was feeding bunny at one of the candle-lit tables, and Harold was using some type of nerd-device and pointing in to the night sky, while eating one of the gourmet cheeseburgers.

So we went to go get in on some of that food, because it's before for ever since I actually had a meal and enjoyed it, and everyone sat down around one big table, Bridgette and DJ beside me, Harold, Sadie and Geoff beside them and Duncan straight across from me. It was one of the first times I think we all felt like a real team, and every seemed to get along.

We all ate really quiet for a few minutes, like there was no sound other than us chewing, because the food was that damn good. Maybe it wasn't really good. I don't know. All I know is that after not eating real food for weeks anything other than Chef's cooking was like heaven in my mouth.

After we finished we started talking about the challenges and about life back home. Soon we got on the topic of our families and friends. Apparently Bridgette's friends back home are all in a surfing competition that she had been training months for, but when she got the chance to come to TDI, she just couldn't pass it up.

DJ talked about how hard it had been to leave his momma back home and Geoff said he felt the same about his bro's. Duncan then said he couldn't have left sooner to get away from his house. He seemed to be the only one of us who was glad to leave home- and juvie, he added on.

And then, of course, just like it ALWAYS happens, somehow everyone ends up walking away and back to their cabins except me and him (and Harold, but he had gone far away to the edge of the beach to his device again).

Duncan then asked me about my parents, giving me a smirk and saying I was gonna have to fess up sometime. I guess he must have noticed the look on my face because he then said that I didn't have to talk about it if I didn't want to.

But I think when Duncan said that, something clicked. I think I… I trust him. A lot. And I felt like he could know.

I told him about how my mom had died of breast cancer when I was twelve and now I live with my Dad and two siblings, and I saw him take a deep breath. Then he told me he was sorry and that he didn't mean to pressure me into saying it. But I think when I told Duncan it was fine, I meant it. I've never told Bridgette about my mom, so why did I tell Duncan?

We were quiet for a second but then he said that it was getting late and that we should go back to the cabins. I nodded, and slowly, we walked back.

And do you want to know what made this night so amazing, so great, so spectacular?

He held my hand!

I don't know how it happened, but while we were walking he just managed to slip his fingers into mine and hold it softly. When I brought my eyes up to look at him, he was turned away from me. I could have sworn he was blushing.

We got back to the cabins and all he said was, "Goodnight Courtney", and there's my name again, sending that jolt of electricity through me that I just don't understand. He walked into his side of the cabin before I could say anything, and I'm glad, because my mouth went dry and I'm pretty sure my jaw was on the ground.

And now, I mean… talk about WOW! I just… my heart… I'm so happy. And I'm confused but I'm happy, and… wow.

* * *

_It's Weird And Strange, I'm Not Pissed Off?_

Dear Journal,

Ugh. We have to go to the Mess Hall to eat. Good thing I'm totally stuffed from last night. But apparently Chris is going to announce another challenge.

I'm still a bit… happy from last night. I don't know how to explain it, but I don't feel all mad at Duncan like I usually do! It's weird, it's strange, I…

Everyone's leaving. I guess I ought to see exactly what this challenge is.

* * *

_Confusing Coffee Mug Crimes_

Dear Journal,

Why does he act so stupid? I mean, I am really wondering if I can trust him. I think I do, but then again, I don't!

I mean how can I trust him if he steals _coffee mugs? _Why the hell would Duncan need a coffee mug? That's right, he doesn't. He has no reason for stealing this stuff, and yet that doesn't keep him from doing it! He's just being a pig.

I keep trying to watch out for him, and then he keeps saying that he didn't know I cared. I mean, I don't care, not really, only a little, he's a valuable team member. I kind of like him but I'm convinced this must be a phase.

He's just sending me a ton of mixed signals and it's confusing as hell. One minute, he's holding my hand and blushing, and the next he's teasing me. I'm mad because he's just not the same person he was yesterday, he's the person he was the day before that. Ugh, now I'm confusing MYSELF!

This is just stupid! I don't know how much more of this I can handle, and I don't know if I can trust Duncan as a friend, yet alone something… more. It's just getting kind of stupid. I feel like I'm seeing two different sides of him and it's pushing me back and forth and I don't think I can take it anymore!

If he gives me one reason, ONE good, solid reason that he is an actual OK guy, who knows. But I can't keep messing around with him! Is he an asshole, or is he… Duncan?

Gosh, I feel like a little kid, acting all stupid over some guy! What is wrong with me? I really hope this is just a phase, and then again, I don't. Ugh. This is all so confusing.

* * *

_I Do, I Don't, I Really Don't Care!_

Dear Journal,

Chris called us all out to dock, and I swear to god, if took all my strength to not kill Duncan in that time.

I mean, I want things to be simple, but he makes it so complicated! Nothing should be this hard to deal with, but he makes it impossible! Why can't he just be the way he really is? When he's nice, when he's sweet, when he's not a total douche bag?

But whatever. I don't care!

I don't!

Chris called us out there, and he mentioned something about how some people were having problems, and Duncan took that as a chance to elbow me in my side. So I couldn't help but push his ass down. I mean, he knows my ribs are ticklish! Why would he elbow me?

Does he think this is all some big joke? Because I'd like to see the humor in all of this.

But now Chris says we have some big challenge based on trust. Well, I truly don't know what to do. I don't know who to trust, and I certainly don't know if it's right to trust Duncan and his stupid self.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I kind of want to give up on Duncan, but then again, I really don't!

But I don't care. I swear, I don't. OK, maybe a little, but I don't!

* * *

_You Don't See That Every Day, Pig_

Dear Journal,

Well, we lost the first part of the challenge. Apparently, Chris gets to pick who we team up with, and may I just say that I barely trust any of these people at all? The only one I really trust other than Bridgette is probably…

Anyways, losing that first challenge really pisses me off. Mostly because I really thought we could win this since it was Duncan and DJ, two very good friends, against Gwen and Heather. I mean, those two hate each other! If you ask me, it doesn't make any sense that we lost.

Of course, if you ask me, Duncan should have been the one scaling the wall, I mean, he is the one who has escaped juvenile hall before… and it wouldn't hurt to see him from behind…

Dear lord, what is wrong with me? We just lost a challenge and all I can think about is… well, him! He's too confusing to think about, too confusing to trust. He looks at Gwen's underwear, can't support DJ when he's falling…

Ugh! He makes me so angry! I mean, what's wrong with him. "You don't see that every day!" Well, I should hope that you don't see Gwen's panties every day, Duncan, especially since you hit on me all the time! That pig! Doesn't he realize that he can't do that? Doesn't he ever think about how that makes me feel? How that makes me hurt and how…

How much I need to calm down? I'm getting way too worked up over nothing, I swear. Duncan isn't important- I came here to win. If I can just keep that in mind, and keep him off my mind, maybe things will start to look up.

* * *

_Really Bad Food_

Dear Journal,

So Lindsay and Trent apparently went up against Bridgette and Geoff in some eating challenge (good thing it's not Owen on the other team). Bridgette seemed really happy about being able to do a trust challenge with Geoff, so I hoped the best for them, and for our team.

Anyway, we won that one! Apparently Trent is kind of comatose due to the food (must have been really bad) but he'll be okay later.

And I think Bunny is missing or something. Bridgette told me something bad happened, thank god, I hated that stupid bunny.

* * *

_Poor Bunny_

Dear Journal,

Now we have to do 'The Three Blind Challenges' and I'm pretty sure Sadie is going to maim me with those apples.

Also, Bridgette told me everything that happened to Bunny. Apparently, a snake ate Bunny, which was then eaten by an eagle, which was then eaten by a shark.

…Yeah, this place is pretty messed up.


End file.
